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Use them abundantly, yet wisely.
Language is beautiful. But sometimes it’s ugly.
Most of us — because we’re all human — are affected by words.
They can go on to give you a day from hell or a lifetime of misery and, equally, in a few moments, they can start washing away the pain.
Whoever said “sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can never hurt me” was either kidding themselves into a false sense of optimism and relief to get themselves through something (aren’t we all), or was just a plain psychopath.
The Frequency
The two most universally known, commonly used, powerful phrases in the human language…
“I’m sorry.”
“I love you.”
You’ve said them a million times and probably heard them a million times, too. Sometimes your heart was in it, sometimes it wasn’t.
Now, I’m not going to preach to you like a parent and tell you the whole “think about what you say” lark. Oh, wait, no — that’s exactly what I’m going to do. Just hear me out.
These two phrases have the profound ability to not only rectify a situation, change a thought pattern or stop an argument right in its tracks. These phrases literally save people.
Or slowly destroys them…if you’re one of those people who never uses either of them. Many regrets in life come from the use (or the lack of use) of these phrases.
Perhaps we didn’t say them when we should’ve, or maybe we said it when we shouldn’t have, and, in doing so, built a life on a lie just to save someone’s feelings.
These phrases are a driving force for emotional (and relationship) growth or stuntedness, depending on how we use them.
No one wants to be a doormat who’s always apologising, or the needy one who uses the word “love” after just a few dates.
What’s worse than saying it? Not saying it.
What’s worse than not saying it? Saying it when you don’t mean it.
It’s not about using them more, it’s about recognising their power and knowing when to use them.
Who is worth saving today? Sometimes it’s you.
The Delivery
There’s another thing to think about; it’s not just how often we say them, but how we say them.
You can just say “I love you” or “I’m sorry”, but I’m sure if we were to think about it we could do better than that.
I read a Medium article recently called ‘George Orwell’s Six Rules for Great Writing’ by Harry J. Stead and one of them raises a particularly interesting point…
Rule Number 1: “Never use a metaphor, simile, or other figure of speech which you are used to seeing in print.”
Basically, don’t be a cliché.
And, of course, the two most powerful phrases in our language are clichés. They can’t help that.
So, the next time you come to use them, think about it. Why are you sorry? Why are you saying you love someone — what do you love? What could you say that has the same effect without just using those three words?
Sentences starting with phrases like “you fascinate me, because…” or “I’m in awe of you, because…” and “I love it about you that…” carry more weight.
They’re personal. Powerful.
Perhaps you still stick to your guns about whatever damn stupid argument you were having, but you can still say something like:
“I didn’t mean to hurt you the way that I did.”
Because, you’ll always care too much in the moment about whether you were right or not, but one day you’ll regret the days you let those moments chip away at you and the person you didn’t mean to hurt.
We’re so used to hearing why we’re annoying and why we’re not good enough. And we desperately want to be heard when we’re trying to change someone else.
What about why someone is good enough and what you don’t want to change?
You know you’re sorry. You know you love them. So, say it. Don’t let those words be a stranger to you when they can be your most trusted friends.
White lies are a part of everyday life; we can’t get away from the “I’m fine” when we’re clearly not and the “of course you don’t look like a meringue in that dress, honey” — it’s all survival. It’s not always okay, but it’s what we do.
If you want to maintain being true and honest, start with when you use those two powerful phrases.
And don’t just say it; use the “I love you” and “I’m sorry” as a lift-off, a basis of the focal message.
Better to hand them a bouquet of flowers than a single stalk.